Found for Labyrinth Inhabitant Magazine, an SFF zine dedicated, as the name suggests, to stories about people living in mysterious and labyrinthine environments. This is one of the things they don’t want to see: “a sensitive, brooding guy who roams around a labyrinth for the whole story thinking about things, and then at the end he looks in a mirror and it turns out he’s the minotaur. This is Labyrinth Inhabitant Magazine. I am not going to be surprised by that twist ending.“
Part of me would love to read a few hundred submissions for a magazine’s slush pile. Before the suicide-urge kicked in, I’m sure you’d find some interesting and hilarious patterns.
I am, as noted below, soon to be jobless. This is going to give me all kinds of opportunity to do things I haven’t had time for recently, like catch up on all that new porn the internet keeps grinding out. Among other neglected tasks I hope to get to, I started learning wing chun kung fu last year and after I’d dedicated myself to it for a while–long enough to get past the stage where I thought I could punch cars dead in their tracks, and actually noticed the changes and patterns of the learning process–I picked up all kinds of parallels to what you go through when you learn to write.
I may not be able to get to this seriously until next week; I’m still working out the last of tenure at the bookstore, and along with the nonstop movie reviews, my submission for Chris Fletcher’s Aether Age anthology, and my personally interesting but publicly tedious personal life, I don’t see myself having the chance to dive into it until then.
But I wanted to get this up, if only to force myself to finally write it. We’ll see how it goes next Tuesday.
I quit my day job a couple days ago, you see, meaning in just under two weeks the only income I’ll be receiving for a while is from writing. It won’t be enough to provide a sustainable living–I quit for “my job was growing increasingly sucky”-related reasons, not because I’m finally making enough from freelancing to do nothing else–but it will be enough to pay the rent while my bank account slowly dwindles.
I figure I could go six months before I need to start seriously looking for a new job. I’m going to write a lot. I’m going to continue submitting my backlog of short stories. And I’m going to start querying my last novel again and see if the combination of better query letter + several actual writing credits gets any bites.
Unless I go on some mad short story-selling bender–quit pretending you don’t want to pay me fat stacks of cash, Asimov’s and F&SF–there’s no realistic way I won’t have to end up taking a new day job sooner or later. Even if my novel sets the agenting world afire, finding representation and publication is going to take longer than my savings can hold out, no matter how fast I race my advance to the nearest Chase.
But it looks like, for half a year or so, my only job is going to be writing. I’ll be doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do with my life. That should cheer me up when at this point next year I’m manning the counter at the Exxon down the street.
Postscript: Got some writing that needs doing, imaginary blog audience? Drop me a line. My credits are over there on the right side of the page and I’ve got a snazzy English/fiction degree from NYU, if that’s the sort of thing that turns your crank. We’ll work something out.
I only recently found this funny piece of agentry: Stephen Barbara discusses the Great American Query Letter
Barbara, who appears to have recently moved from the Donald Maass agency to Foundry Literary + Media, has been on my radar since I queried him on my previous project–he replied swiftly and with the kind of compliment that almost makes you forget there was a no preceding it.
I get that query letters are, for the habitually overworked agent, a great window into a writer’s ability to string words together and express ideas in a compelling manner. But people fucking obsess over queries. My impression is they’ve gone from a casual necessity to an industry of their own: many agents only accept a query–no sample material–and if you drop the ball on that, that agent’s never going to see a single word of what you consider your real work. No wonder people stress. Workshop their queries. Spend a comparable amount of time fine-tuning them as they do on their first chapter.
Still, something about it’s deeply exasperating. It’s one more piece to stress about in what’s already a hypercompetitive field. Barbara’s take is funny and refreshing (and, coolly, well written): he seems to be tired of the whole business of the query letter, and is instead much more interested in the actual material he’s considering whether to represent and attempt to sell.
Not to say that other agents aren’t. But as writers, that’s what we love to hear. I’m sure Mr. Barbara will be on pins and needles waiting for me to drop that query in his inbox as soon as my next book’s ready.
I somehow didn’t win Nathan Bransford’s first paragraph contest, despite the fact there were only 2650 other entries. Didn’t make the finalists or semi-finalists, either. Absurd! They made up an entire 1% of the entries!
I was genuinely surprised to find myself annoyed about that. When I entered, there were already over 1600 submissions. I was entering the first paragraph of a novel I haven’t submitted in over a year. My thinking was “Well, this is a crapshoot, but it’s a good paragraph, and the prize would be useful. Let’s take a shot.”
Because that is how it works in every part of this game. Extrapolating from Realms of Fantasy‘s old numbers, the top sci-fi magazines accept no more than 1 out of every 200 submissions. A lot of those submissions will be trash, or worse yet, wholly mediocre, but there is going to be some serious talent, too. Even if you can punch with the heavies, how many other great stories are you competing with for that one spot? Three? Ten? In those final rounds of selection, when you’re down to nothing but the works you love, what gets chosen and what gets sent back gets capricious and arbitrary. The only response is to shrug it off 60 seconds later, find a new market, and take a new shot with them.
I’ve learned that, I think. Except when I lose total confidence in a piece (this happens about once every 8-10 stories), I keep my work out there. I keep hammering away at the big markets. Now and then I’m frustrated that I haven’t been rustled from my bed to be awarded a golden crown and a floating bed with “WORLD’S GREATEST WRITER” sheets, but I’m aware that competition at the top is very stiff. I could be doing first-rate work right now and not see the results for years.
To be stung that I didn’t win a contest with over 2500 other entries (odds of winning: 0.038%), then, is downright exasperating. I know it’s not personal, but it’s as if emotions don’t listen to things like logic, those dumbasses. The punchline is I bet that feeling never goes away when you get a “no,” no matter how much success you’ve got. That’ll be something to look forward to in the next 50 years of my life.
Literary agent Nathan Bransford is hosting a first paragraph contest on his blog, wherein would-be authors submit the opening paragraph of their novel to be judged against all the other entrants. Among the cool but minor prizes, finalists will receive a query critique, and the grand winner can choose between that, a critique of their partial manuscript, or a phone consultation. Not entirely sure what that last one entails, other than speaking live about your work with an actual agent, which is, honestly, more professional contact than 90% of us chump entrants is ever likely to receive.
Bransford opened the contest just over 36 hours ago, you see, and with about 42 hours left to go, he’s already got 1600+ applicants.
I’ve read several other entries, and though I’ve never read a slushpile, it looks like the lowest-quality submitters have by and large been filtered out, likely due to the dual screening process of a) having to be an internet-user to enter and b) the whole “submitting to a public forum” thing. With very few outright awful entries, what’s left is a lot of not-good stuff, a whole lot of not-bad-but-not-great stuff, and a small but not insignificant wedge of quality material.
Reading all these different openings is fascinating–you get a good glimpse of just how many ways there are to begin a long work of art–but the point it suggested to me is these represent 1600+ fucking unpublished novels, all written by people of obvious dedication (novels don’t write themselves, no matter how much you shout at them), every one of whom is competing for an agent’s (and, eventually, publisher’s) attention.
How do you make your work stand out from the madding crowd? Browsing those entries, a few tricks are obvious: open with conflict from the very first sentence, raise questions in the reader’s mind, make them so hungry to find out what comes next they can’t help reading more.
That’s what any agent will suggest, too, and what you’ll hear in any fiction class. These are the methods that can be learned, tools that can be grasped and sharpened, consciously employed at the start of any piece of fiction.
But there’s one other thing that stands out, too. Some entries just have it and most simply don’t: Talent. The skill with language that makes good writing good. When you see it, you know it, but it isn’t a trick or a tool, a mini-formula you can pick up the first day of class and have forever more. And, Dan Brown notwithstanding, talent is critical to eventual success.
There’s two ways I know of to get it: be born with it, and work your fucking ass off to develop it. Among those 1600 applicants, you know some of them have it. Some of the ones who don’t have it right now are going to bust their humps until they do. For those of us who have to have that life, we have to work even harder. You know what they always say: Good writing shines through.









